Just be yourself? Yeah, right
It’s a pain being part of a diverse species that likes nothing so much as sameness.
Even in the land of the free and the home of the brave, people fear being themselves, or whatever part of themselves that might stick out.
We’re supposed to get over that after high school, but we don’t really.
It can be costly to stick out.
Consider State Rep. Richard Curtis, who reportedly had sex with a guy he met in an erotic-video store.
What’s the first thing he says when news gets out?
“I am not gay.”
He’s not alone. There’ve been plenty of similar cases and the person in the spotlight always says, “I am not gay.”
It’s as if no matter how bad their specific actions were, the worse thing would be for them to be labeled gay.
Idaho’s Sen. Larry Craig said he wasn’t gay, and so did Spokane’s then-Mayor Jim West, though West later said he was gay when he wanted to claim he was being persecuted.
They all had records of opposing gay-friendly public policy. Their poor heads must have been spinning.
Remember Nathaniel Hawthorne’s novel “The Scarlet Letter?” Among the ideas it explores are hypocrisy and the pressure to conform.
Here’s an interesting thought from the book:
“No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.”
Maybe that’s what happened to them.
Of course, sometimes we shouldn’t be ourselves.
I read that Don Imus will be back on the radio next month.
Just a few months ago he said the Rutgers University basketball team looked like a bunch of “nappy-headed hos.” Naturally, he said he isn’t a racist or a sexist.
His insult seems to be economically correct, since he gets paid lots of money to disparage people. No sooner had CBS let him go than other companies came pleading for his services.
So, we know what it is OK to be.
But we are left with another conformity issue: Ho is clearly insulting, but why is nappy-headed bad?
It’s not just a rhetorical question.
A staffer for Glamour magazine stirred up some dust recently while counseling a group of women lawyers in New York about proper business styles. She said afros don’t cut it in the office.
Look around your office. How many black women do you see with natural hair?
Do you have any black women in your office? Never mind.
You will mostly see black women with straightened hair.
Are bald heads the male way of avoiding nappy hair?
When is a hairstyle just a hairstyle and when is it protective camouflage?
Nature didn’t make nearly as many blondes as there are walking down the sidewalk.
People are drawn toward whatever yields the greatest social rewards.
The internal urge to fit in is not a bad impulse, but external pressure to squeeze people into a preferred mold sometimes tilts toward destructive.
If by being me, I have offended anyone, I am sorry.
And, I am not gay.
Jerry Large’s column appears Monday and Thursday. Reach him at 206-464-3346 or jlarge@seattletimes.com.